What to Include in Your Memoir: Choosing Your Story
What to include in memoir writing is one of the most common questions aspiring memoirists ask.
Life isn’t a story, but stories can be drawn from life.
I have just spent two weeks on a snorkelling trip to Mauritius, where I’m happy to report that my near-constant free-floating anxiety dissolved into the ocean and washed away.
I was fortunate to be the guest of my half-Mauritian friend, who introduced me to snorkel spots around the south-east of the island. I saw a turtle in the wild for the first time, devil firefish bristling, needle fish flying just below the surface, clown-faced trigger fish. Not to mention the yellow butterfly fish darting through the coral, and …
And, by now, you’re bored – unless you’re a diver, desperate to discern where exactly I was diving, in order to plan your next trip.
The Difference Between Life and Memoir Writing
My Mauritian trip was without incident. I had work to do, but it wasn’t onerous. I got on with my hosts, stayed within my budget, met my friend’s relatives who were, without exception, kind. They fed me well, took me on happy three and four-hour snorkels that were stimulating, but almost entirely without danger.
Ho hum. Would this trip find its way into a memoir? Probably not. Only if my memoir took the form of a quest to find the most underwater species in any one dive spot, or perhaps my differing attempts to heal myself of a great injury, psychic or physical.
Or, perhaps I might simply wish to document, as faithfully as I could, all the incidents that have made up my life, in case my descendents developed enough curiosity to flip through it on a rainy day, when they had nothing better to do.
Apart from these possibilities, no, it probably wouldn’t warrant more than a paragraph or two, if it were mentioned at all – the main reason being that it almost entirely lacks literary conflict. It didn’t test me, or throw obstacles in my path.
What Makes a Compelling Memoir Story
It would be unlikely to carry forward any story I might draw from my life. Because, of course, memoir isn’t life. It’s a story drawn from your life. Life exists, but that story doesn’t – until you construct it.
What to include in your memoir depends on the story you’re setting out to tell. Not every event warrants inclusion. It’s a matter of choice: does this incident carry the story forward?
It may be a memoir, but it’s still a story, which your readers will hopefully find compelling, and which shows a character (you) battling obstacles to get what you want or discover what you need.
My trip to Mauritius was happy, but uneventful. It provided me with many enjoyable memories. And that’s where it should probably remain: in my head, where I can relive moments of it whenever I please. But, like other people’s dreams, it is largely uninteresting to anyone else.
Memoir Writing Tips:
- Not every life experience belongs in your memoir – Just because something happened to you doesn’t mean it should be included in your story
- Choose experiences that carry your story forward – Ask yourself: does this incident move the narrative along or serve the larger theme?
- Look for literary conflict and obstacles – Peaceful, uneventful experiences rarely make compelling reading, even if they were personally meaningful
- Remember that memoir is constructed storytelling – Life exists, but the story doesn’t until you deliberately craft it from your experiences
- Focus on experiences that tested or changed you – Include moments where you battled obstacles to get what you wanted or discover what you needed
- Consider your memoir’s central theme – What overarching story are you trying to tell? Let this guide what you include or exclude
- Save pleasant memories for yourself – Not every happy moment needs to be shared with readers – some experiences are better kept as personal treasures
- Think like a reader, not just a writer – Would this incident interest someone who wasn’t there? If it’s mainly meaningful to you, consider leaving it out
Join Our Memoir Writing Community
Free Memoir Writing Webinar – Wednesday 4 June
Our monthly free webinar is dedicated to memoir writing with editor, publisher and acclaimed memoirist Joanne Hichens (Death and the After Parties) and All About Writing alumna Merle Levin who has recently published The World According to Merle.
Memoir Writing Workshop – July 4-6, Karoo Arts Hotel
Don’t start writing without the skills behind you. Joanne and I will be running our annual memoir workshop on the weekend of July 4 to 6, at the Karoo Arts Hotel, in Barrydale. Besides good Karoo food, walks in crisp air, and river dips in the chilly Tradouw valley, we can offer you the memoir writing skills you need to tackle your own story and get you started.
Karoo Writing Retreat – July 6-11
From July 6 to 11, we’ll be hosting our annual Karoo writing retreat, at the Karoo Arts Hotel. So, stay on, or come just for the retreat, which is aimed at writers of all genres, not just memoir. The retreat offers you the time and space to write, and an hour of one-on-one time with Jo or me, to discuss, brainstorm, ask questions or get feedback.
UK and Italy Writing Workshops and Retreats
For our UK community, the annual Stow-on-the-Wold weekend workshop (June 6 to 8) is now full. Contact Trish if you’d like to go on the wait list – or be notified of the dates for the next writing weekend.
While our famous Venice writing retreat is largely full, there’s a chance we can still squeeze in one or two more of you, if you’re keen. This writing retreat is popular, and spaces fill up as we announce the dates each year. But, sometimes, circumstances change and the odd person-sized gap can appear during the year.
Imagine yourself as a writer in Venice, following in the footsteps of Byron and Hemingway. Live and write in a 16th century palazzo, home to born-and-bred Venetians. Write, walk, dream, share writing problems with like-minded souls – and spend an hour of one-on-one time with me, Richard Beynon or Fred de Vries, discussing your writing, asking for help, brainstorming, or getting feedback.
I hope to see you all at the memoir webinar next week. And I hope we’ll see many of you at our upcoming memoir writing workshops and retreats.
Warm regards,
Jo-Anne
